A ton of possible iPhone 5 parts have leaked out in the last few weeks. I got my hands on the latest exclusive of what might be expected in the next iPhone. This photo was sent by an anonymous tipster who said they smuggled it out of Apple’s headquarters by hiding in a a crate of discarded medical waste (why Apple has the need to discard of massive amounts of medical waste is yet to be answered).
As you can see, the next iPhone will have a set of white headphones. This is huge. There’s been a lot of speculation as to whether Apple would do away with headphone altogether, but these photos prove that they’re doubling down on ear buds. Also after about seven hours of precise calculations based on the bend of the wire and the shadowing in the photo, I’ve determined that these are in fact .05 inches shorter than the current iPhone headphones, giving credibility to the rumor that the new iPhone screen would be 4 inches tall. Also, further analysis shows that based on wear and tear of the metal input, all future iPhones will come pre-packaged with the entire Hall & Oates Greatest Hits collection and new exclusive album of ‘Rich Girl’ dub-step remixes.
Also, a chalky residue seen on the chord also proves that the new iPhone screen will, in fact, allow users to draw on the screen with chalk. Unfortunately, a phosphorus luminescent scan suggests that users will have to buy an Apple-developed chalk in order to use this feature. Using third-party chalk to draw on the screen would likely void Apple Care, as suggested by Apple’s patent for a proprietary mineral polymer writing device.
As always, these types of leaks must be taken lightly, as Apple could ditch these plans at the last minute. Also, the anonymous tipster may have just been a drifter high on bath salts. Obviously, the best course of action is to stay inside all weekend in a dark room pouring over this photo with a magnifying glass and imagining all the ways this new phone will change everything. And getting high on bath salts.