What’s the first thing you’d want to do after you worked your ass off for years, generated domestic and international swimming pool hype, crossed the pond, nearly dethroned the king of fast-food-sub-sandwich-swimming, talked to the Lollipop Guild (Costas, Secrest), and flew back to your adoring America an athletic hero? If you guessed put girls in bikinis on your shoulders than you’re as much an American triumph as Ryan Lochte. No one is condemning Lochte, as he’s worked hard and he’s allowed to play hard, but even he has to know that What Happens in Vegas, Stays on the Internet. His grill wearing and “Jeah” saying antics garnish the attention he undoubtedly desires, and rightfully so because thats the kind of stuff us ‘Mericans are into. It’s fine by us, as the only thing holding Ryan back from being the ultimate Olympic hero is marrying a Kardashian. Captain America maybe not, but the role of Captain Blackout is accepting applications in Vegas.
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