Any regular RSVLTS.com reader knows that we love ranking things. Especially when it comes to sports. We’ve already shown you which NFL players and teams are the most popular on the internet but what about when it comes to Americaness? Which team bleeds the red, white and blue more than any other?
Our brilliant DC contributor Rory, the creator of Mr. America Head, has devised an algorythm for ranking the Americaness of NFL teams. It’s pretty simple, yet highly effective.
It goes a little something like this… Team Color Score (Red, White and Blue in your team colors, 1 point for each) + Americaness of Mascot (2 points for very American, 1 point for pretty American, 0 points for not very American) + Super Bowl Score (0.5 points for every Super Bowl victory) + Real American Hero Score (each team’s city ranked by percentage of population that are veterans, 3.2 points for highest percentage, 0.1 points for lowest) + Money Talks Score (per capita median income for each team’s city is ranked, 3.2 points for highest income, 0.1 points for lowest) + Leadership Score (0.5 points for every president born in team’s city) + Cheerleader Score (0.5 if the team has a cheerleadering squad) = Americaness Score.
32. Cincinnati Bengals
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 0
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 2.1
Money Talks Score: 2.1
Leadership Score: 0.5
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 3.3
31. New Orleans Saints
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 0
Super Bowl Score: 0.5
Real American Hero Score: 1.5
Money Talks Score: 0.1
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 3.6
30. Cleveland Browns
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 2.1
Money Talks Score: 0.6
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0
Americaness Score: 4.7
29. San Diego Chargers
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 0
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 0.7
Money Talks Score: 1.7
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 4.9
28. Detroit Lions
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 0
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 1.4
Money Talks Score: 2.1
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0
Americaness Score: 5.5
27. Minnesota Vikings
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot:
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 1.2
Money Talks Score: 2.8
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 5.5
26.Buffalo Bills
Team Color Score: 3
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 0.3
Money Talks Score: 0.4
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 6.2
25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 0
Super Bowl Score: 0.5
Real American Hero Score: 3.1
Money Talks Score: 0.2
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 6.3
24. Jacksonville Jaguars
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 3.1
Money Talks Score: 0.7
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 6.3
23. Houston Texans
Team Color Score: 3
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 1.1
Money Talks Score: 1.1
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 6.7
22. Carolina Panthers
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 1.9
Money Talks Score: 1.4
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 6.8
21. Oakland Raiders
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 0
Super Bowl Score: 1.5
Real American Hero Score: 0.7
Money Talks Score: 3.2
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 6.9
20. Miami Dolphins
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 1
Real American Hero Score: 3.1
Money Talks Score: 0.5
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 7.1
19. Tennessee Titans
Team Color Score: 3
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 1.8
Money Talks Score: 0.8
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 7.1
18. New York Jets
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 0.5
Real American Hero Score: 0.3
Money Talks Score: 2.4
Leadership Score: 0.5
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 7.2
17. Arizona Cardinals
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 2.8
Money Talks Score: 1
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 7.3
16. Chicago Bears
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 0.5
Real American Hero Score: 0.8
Money Talks Score: 2
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0
Americaness Score: 7.3
15. Green Bay Packers
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 2
Real American Hero Score: 1.7
Money Talks Score: 1.6
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0
Americaness Score: 7.3
14. Atlanta Falcons
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 1.3
Money Talks Score: 2.6
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 7.4
13. Pittsburgh Steelers
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 3
Real American Hero Score: 2.3
Money Talks Score: 0.3
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0
Americaness Score: 7.6
12. Philadelphia Eagles
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 2.3
Money Talks Score: 1.9
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 7.7
11. New York Giants
Team Color Score: 3
Americaness of Mascot: 0
Super Bowl Score: 2
Real American Hero Score: 0.3
Money Talks Score: 2.4
Leadership Score: 0.5
Cheerleader Score: 0
Americaness Score: 8.2
10. Baltimore Ravens
Team Color Score: 1
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0.5
Real American Hero Score: 2.4
Money Talks Score: 3
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 8.4
9. Indianapolis Colts
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 1
Real American Hero Score: 1.6
Money Talks Score: 1.3
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 8.4
8. St. Louis Rams
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0.5
Real American Hero Score: 2.7
Money Talks Score: 0.9
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 8.6
7. Seattle Seahawks
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 0
Real American Hero Score: 3.2
Money Talks Score: 2.2
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 8.9
6. Kansas City Chiefs
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 0.5
Real American Hero Score: 2.7
Money Talks Score: 3
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 9.2
5. Washington Redskins
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 1.5
Real American Hero Score: 0.4
Money Talks Score: 3
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 9.4
4. Denver Broncos
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 1
Super Bowl Score: 1
Real American Hero Score: 2.5
Money Talks Score: 2.5 10 2.5
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 9.5
3. Dallas Cowboys
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 2.5
Real American Hero Score: 1.1
Money Talks Score: 1.8
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 9.9
2. New England Patriots
Team Color Score: 3
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 1.5
Real American Hero Score: 0.9
Money Talks Score: 2.7
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
Americaness Score: 10.6
1. San Francisco 49ers
Team Color Score: 2
Americaness of Mascot: 2
Super Bowl Score: 2.5
Real American Hero Score: 0.7
Money Talks Score: 3.2
Leadership Score: 0
Cheerleader Score: 0.5
