Hurricane Sandy is barring down on the East Coast and if you’ve been watching The Weather Channel you might think the end is near. The most Sandy might do is put a damper on your Halloween plans so if you need to hunker down in doors it may be the perfect time to drink your troubles away with a few friends, in costume.
So here are the rules:
- Get your beverage of choice and sit back and ride out the storm.
- If a newscaster uses the words “hunker down,” drink. Same goes with “feeder bands.”
- If you see a satellite image where a storm system is larger than the state, drink.
- If you see images of people boarding up buildings or lugging sand bags, drink.
- Whenever there’s a new advisory from the National Hurricane Center, drink.
- Whenever there’s an announcement for a shelter that takes pets, drink.
- If there’s an announcement for a shelter that’s full, drink. Drink twice if it’s one that took pets.
- If you see on TV a correspondent trying to talk into their microphone while nearly blown over by hurricane-force winds, drink. Drink twice if they actually fall over. Drink three times if you can hear them swear – damn counts.
- Drink if the TV shows images of storm surge. Drink twice if the surge splashes onto a roof.
- If the TV shows a traffic jam with thousands of cars heading in the same directions, drink. Drink twice if you see one car heading in the opposite direction.
- Drink if they show images of street-light signals dangling from a wire in the middle of an intersection. Drink twice if you recognize the intersection.
- If you can see rain moving sideways, drink – and stop looking out the window.
- If you can see rain moving sideways and you’re looking out a hole in your roof, drink – and move to a safe place in your home.
- If you hear a tree fall, drink.
- If a car alarm goes off, drink.
- If it’s your car alarm, drink the rest of the bottle and do not go outside.
- If the power goes out – I mean when the power goes out – drink again.
- If you end up playing solitaire, either on the computer or by candlelight, drink.
- Put the drink down, and get some sleep.
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