Twinkies are back, baby. We took them for granted while they were here, overlooking them time and time again on the dusty shelves of grocery stores. Bypassing the Twinkie for Zebra Cakes or Cosmic Brownies as if it would be there forever, like Woody at the bottom of Andy’s toy chest. Then in a flash, they were gone. Stocked shelves were left empty and hollow, as if Twinkie locusts came harvested and departed within seconds.
Now they’re back and we promise we’ll never take them for granted again. We promise, once they hit Walmart at 12:01 a.m. on Sunday, a day before the rest of the country’s 96,381 store shelves are stocked, we will make it our business to buy our inaugural comeback box. We promise to love and uphold our relationship with those golden bars of sponge cake, retail price for a box of ten is $2.98. We promise not to let you down as a country again, Twinkie, and we promise, with your help, to regain the crown back from Mexico.