Anatomically Correct Spider-Man Is The Worst Superhero Ever

In the original comic books, Spider-Man only shot webs because teen science nerd Peter Parker built webshooters to help him catch baddies. But then the Sam Raimi-directed triology with Tobey Maguire as Parker simplified things by having Spidey shoot webs out of his wrists naturally after being bitten by a radioactive spider. While it saved us from watching a montage of Maguire trying out numerous webshooters set to Bone Symphony’s “One Foot in Front of the Other,” it didn’t make a whole lot of sense. After all, real spiders have spinneret glands on the underside of their abdomens from which they “shoot” webs. That means an anatomically correct Spider-Man would have to shoot webs from his — dear lord!