Each year, No-Shave November offers a chance for us all to stop shaving and embrace our facial hair while raising cancer awareness. Who doesn’t love a noble reason to be lazy? But simply not shaving doesn’t have to be the end of it; No-Shave November is also a great time to try out different facial hair styles that you might find yourself sporting the other eleven months of the year, too! Don’t know where to start? Here’s a list of 12 iconic mustachioed and bearded faces for a bit of No-Shave November inspiration. Now what are you waiting for? Pick out a look and start not shaving!
Teddy Roosevelt: Author, explorer, 33rd Governor of New York, 25th Vice President of the US, 26th President of the US and the greatest man to sport a walrus mustache. Sure, many other famous faces have sported a similar bushy mustache, but who would you rather model yourself after, a murderous commie like Josef Stalin, a diabetes-suffering star of Cocoon like Wilford Brimley, or a face that is so great, it’s forever set in stone on Mount Rushmore?
Growing a beard like Bob Ross’s is no incredible feat — it’s a fairly normal beard, after all — but pair it with that glorious head of hair and you’ve got something special. And the best part is, after November you’ll be able to shave off your ‘fro instead of having to sport it for decades because of a short-sighted marketing decision like poor ol’ Bob.
Contemporary players like Jason Motte and Justin Turner have transformed baseball into a beard-lover’s paradise, but back in the ’70s it was all about mustaches. While it was hard to limit the list to just one killer baseball ‘stache — Goose Gossage rocked a killer Fu Manchu — nothing can beat the Snidely Whiplash handlebar of Rollie Fingers. And as an added bonus, if you grow your own handlebar mustache, you’ll increase your employability as a mixologist 500 percent!
Captain Lou Albano
Some of you younger folks may only remember Captain Lou Albano as the live-action mustachioed Mario at the beginning of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!, but as great as that ‘stache was, it didn’t hold a candle to Albano’s wild beard during his WWF days. Albano’s iconic look, complete with rubber bands stuck just about everywhere, was featured in numerous Cyndi Lauper videos and helped the WWF gain mainstream popularity in the ’80s.
Not only was Abraham Lincoln one of the greatest presidents the United States has ever seen, he also managed to make the “beard without a mustache” look great. Whether it was his unique facial structure and chiseled features or the fact that he was such a damn fine man, Lincoln was able to pull off one of the most difficult facial hair styles like it was nothing while dealing with a friggin’ Civil War! Of course, you may not be so lucky; If you’ve got the wrong face for this on, you could end up looking less like Abe Lincoln and more like Mose Schrute:
If you’re exceptionally hairy, like an Italian grandmother, No-Shave November is the chance for you to hide away your razors and finally embrace your disgusting genes. Just let it all grow out and say your going for the Scott Howard Teen Wolf look. Just don’t expect your basketball ability to improve. And most definitely do not attempt to surf on top of a van.
You were probably expecting Sam Elliott and his glorious Western ‘stache to make the list, but there is one person who wore it better: Yosemite Sam. Not only did he have Sam Elliott’s big, bushy mustache, Sam’s was a brilliant red and it was connected to his eyebrows. It’s a bold look and probably tough for an actual real-life human being to pull off, but if there’s a time to try it out, No-Shave November is it.
Sure, the perfectly-manicured mustache is essential to the look, but to really pull off surrealist Salvador Dali, you’ll need more than just the facial hair, you’ll need the attitude. And the pet ocelot. And the plenty of live nude models to use as furniture. Hey, nobody said this was going to be easy.
Be careful with this one, for while we all love Chuck Norris’s ultra-‘Murican action flicks like Invasion USA, his political views tend to be a bit non-PC. Even so, you might still be safe with this classic look; Since those over-the-top Chuck Norris jokes started appearing more than a decade ago, they could be seen as retro or nostalgic or some crap, making Norris acceptable yet again.
You know how we said that facial hair probably won’t help your basketball ability? Maybe we need to rethink that. After all, James Harden, who sports the greatest beard in basketball, just set a career high with 56 points in a win against the Utah Jazz. You don’t see babyfaced Lonzo Ball putting up those numbers…
Even if you can’t actually grow any facial hair, there is still an iconic facial hair look for you: the Grouch Marx. Just draw a comedically large mustache with greasepaint, smoke a cigar, and fire off a few hokey one-liners and you’ll be all set!
On second thought, maybe not.