3 Pro Tips For Doing The Phoenix Open Like A Big Baller

Phoenix Open has become a party mecca in America. With 200,000+ people attending the Saturday round, it’s more rock concert and less golf tourney.

While enjoying the rowdy 16th hole from official 16th hole sponsor Oakley’s suite — complete with a glorious view — it dawned on me that I could offer future WM Open party-goers some sage advice that I learned from three days on the course.

1. Don’t get to 16th early

Amateur move: Small ballers line up to enter the 16th grandstand at 5am. These are the overachiever types that stay late after class and ask teachers questions for extra credit. Getting there super early means you’re gonna be sandwiched in for hours. You can’t even take a piss or get a beer and players don’t even start rolling through until around 11am on Saturday. Don’t be that guy.

Pro move: Get to the course around 9am on Saturday and explore the space. Walk the course. Check out the beautiful people. Slam a few Bloodies under a palm tree. Follow the leaders for a few holes. Then, around 2pm, head over to the 16th grandstand. There won’t be a line and you’ll arrive just as the tournament leaders start rolling through. Bonus: The real freaks will be completely lit by this time so you’ll see peak-16th absurdity.

2. Fashion

Amateur move: Dressing up like a golfer to watch golf. You’re not playing golf. If you show up wearing golf cleats you should be ashamed.

Pro move: Two options here: If you’re with a group do a theme. The patriotic stuff crushed at this event, so if the group theme is out just go over-the-top patriotic.

3. Don’t get stuck in the Uber line

Amateur move: On Saturday I left the tournament around 2:30 pm to “beat the crowd” and waited in line for an Uber for 90 minutes. Then it took another 60 minutes to go 300 yards to get out of the parking lot.

Pro move: Team up with your group of friends and rent a private shuttle, depending on how many people you have it’ll be about $50-100 a head. If you’re a small baller who can’t handle $50 for a private driver, the next best move would be to walk a mile or two away from the golf tourney and call your Uber from there. It may take 30 minutes, but it’s much better than waiting on the godforsaken Uber pen.

Beyond all this, the golf tourney is highly recommended. It was an absolute blast and the perfect mid-winter outing for your squad.